need to retire, if even for one day.
leave social interactions for others and just slide… in the mud of the mind, the blacks of the soul, rest there for a while.

who is this creature, so emotional, so unstable, so openly insecure, is it really me?
or am i the creature from my mind, sharp and cool-headed and resistant?

or am i none.

30sh midlife crisis

again Rob D – Clubbed to Death saves the day.

i am fat
and getting older
and the days are very similar to the days before them
and the nights are either full of sleep or partly

and yes, the regret of things not done. just a hint of regret, just a touch, because, knowing myself, things couldn’t have been in another way.
but still. some regret.
and the mental blockage. of developing. of attacking. of letting go. of taking decisions for me, not others.

Rob Dougan – Furious Angels

i am a plutonian. and also solarian. and lunatic. and mercurian. and whatever i am.
i am not happy with myself and dunno what to do about it.

the other day, was telling d. about the feeling that something is missing. what is missing? dunno, but it is.