2008 vs 2015.
Similar thoughts and feelings.
Sick relatives, state of depression, overweight, lack of intimacy, 2 kittens that wouldn’t let me sleep.
So what did I do 7 years if I’m in a similar position?
I haven’t learnt my lessons, I ran away and got into the same situation. Just changed people, projects, lives. But not myself and my attitude. That’s what I did.
Same situation. But deeper shit. Relatives are sicker and more important, more weight, kittens that I can’t give away (and I’d never give them away!), and I can’t run.
Nope, I can’t run.
It kills me the idea that my father never told me he’s proud of me for becoming an engineer, an automation engineer or whatever that is.
In some ways, his memory is dead, so he won’t even remember a lot of things. And when he dies, I’m gonna be stuck here in this position. Why did I do it?
It’s stupid to try to please people. It was never about me, it was always about them. And it’s not my fault they didn’t understand their lesson.
It is my fault that I don’t understand my lesson. It will my fault if I pass it down to my kids.
Btw, it’s a trans-generational lesson for my mother’s family: It’s ok to be a woman.
And also for my father’s family: It’s ok to have girls.
All the women from my mother’s family wanted to have been born men. While people from my father’s family wanted boys, to keep the name.
It’s one of the most important lessons to pass down to my daughters: It’s ok that you were born girls. It’s ok.