Look at me, I’m so close
As I’ll ever be.
I’m not a child, not yet a woman.
I’m still a teenager,
Anxious and lost and uncertain:
how’s life going to be
what will it bring to me
what control do i have over things
how will i be worth remembering…

Take everything from the insideAnd throw it all away

Why the hell am I here?
In this world, in this place, in this body, in this sex.

Been listening to a lot of Linkin Park lately.
Now is Blackout.

What did I choose in life?
– be a tester
– not be a programmer
– have child no 1
– have child no 2, 2 years later
– believe in someone i had never seen
– break-up with my soul-mate
– break-up when someone needed me most
– give birth at home
– breastfeed
– tandem breastfeeding
– go to USA
– leave the Project, the Company
– return on something very different
– go to Therapy
– take my kids daily to a place where they’d be treated with respect
– not to hit my kids consciously
– not to use punishments and rewards
– always show+tell my kids that i love them

———————————-
The cycle repeated
As explosions broke in the sky
All that I needed
Was the one thing I couldn’t find

———————————–
Take me down to the river bend
Take me down to the fighting end
Wash the poison from off my skin
Show me how to be whole again

Fly me up on a silver wing
Past the black where the sirens sing
Warm me up in a nova’s glow
And drop me down to the dream below

‘Cause I’m only a crack in this castle of glass
Hardly anything there for you to see
For you to see