From the depths of my despair

I’ve been here before
And I know what it means
To see the life getting pulled out
To see the light disappear
To lose the joy of living
To lose the will to live
And to become unbearable to itself.

So welcome, depression,
My long-time friend
Welcome again, you’re gonna stay until
The end?
I’ll warn you again,
Depression, enemy, friend,
I’ve thought it all through
My dignity’s low, but here’s the truth:
Stupid and ugly and fat
Lazy and stubborn and mad
Even crazy and yelling and bad,
All these? Better than “dead”.

So gome home, depression,
And leave me alone
Go to suck someone else’s soul.
Go awaken another, instead,
And I’ll recognize it was you, not pretend.
Although I know it’s not you, when, in fury,
I throw stupid words and repeat the story
My mother’s voice is that, my father’s words are those
And I am beneath, hidden in my “cause”.
I know I say those words, that “I’m not good enough”
Never have been, so why all the fuss?
Live like “The Idiot”, bring others to despair
People won’t care anyway, they don’t care.
All that it matters, at the end of the day,
Is you to be fine and your family ok.

P.S. you don’t “owe” them anything.
Especially not life.