I am not Legend
I am not Asimov’s puppet
I have been a puppet half of my life,
Your puppet, their puppet, life’s puppet
I closed and opened my eyes
Trying to keep the unbreakable unbroken
Then it was broken and it was worse than death
But showed me a way
You’re never broken unless you break yourself
And even then, each piece of you is Yourself
Like every cell is the same DNA as your whole body
So I was never broken, see,
Their lives gave myself – ME
I am 30 and I AM OK
I can live through each day
without thinking too much that I’d rather die
I’ll never want to throw myself in a pond because of a failed exam
Or cut my skin and let it bleed because of treachery
One day, I’ll even look at people and see they’re beautiful
Without feeling any guilt saying:
You’re like your father, ready to cheat
And I’ll talk to people without feeling the guilt:
You’re like your mother, always willing to talk
One day it’ll just be me, ME, ME
A good parent, a great parent for the kids
The real kids and the kid in me and the kid in you
We need parents for the kids we used to be
We ARE parents for the kids we are now
Let’s not let other people be our parents again
They don’t see us as adults
And keep treating us like babies
I hate their constrain, because
It goes deep down to that inner-kid again.
It’s always easier to let responsability to someone else
But how can we learn to be responsible if we don’t decide for ourselves?
I AM OK
It’s not something said by my parents or friends or kids or husband
I AM OK
Because I feel it
Because somehow I am complete as a human being can be
I know despair, I know pain, I know love and desire
And I know weaknesses and power.
I also know that most people are not better than myself, just different.
I also know that most people are not weaker then me, just different.
I know my self imposed perfection was seldom mine
And it was a self impossible to live with
I know that most people would not live up to that standard of perfection
And they don’t need to.
We all have a potential and a potential to realize that potential
To put it into reality and create new things.
Look at me, I’m a tester, which is another word for breaker
I break switches and applications, I search their vulnerabilities, their un-compliances
“Seek and destroy” and I’m good at it
How can I put my destructive force into my work
So that I don’t feel the need to spank my kids
Or press their little bodies when they hit me
It’s a question for the days to come
For the moment, I am happy that I AM
and I AM OK.
Music to listen to: 8 tracks radio
Tolerance – Dejection
Ed Sheeran (Kygo Remix) – I see fire
The Cinematic Orchestra – Arrival Of The Birds & Transformation