http://drumuricatretine.wordpress.com/2011/07/19/legea-oglindirii/

De vazut si re-vazut. Nu credeam ca un film despre un om care s-a imbolnavit de SIDA si ajunge sa traficheze medicamente poate fi asa interesant, asa uman, asa bine facut.
Matthew McConaughey joaca excelent, mimica, gesturile, facies-ul…

Jennifer Garner e o draguta, povestea ei mi se pare un punct sensibil al filmului, dar iert aceasta hiba.

Iar Jared Leto e… incredibil, nu seamana deloc cu Jared Leto.

 

Nu exista muzica in film. Exista suficienta nuditate si bautura si cocaina si alte droguri.

Si exista multa, multa umanitate. Un cowboy homofob si rasist ajunge chiar sa tina la un travestit si o negresa.

 

Dar de ce erau oamenii astia asa dezumanizati, in primul rand? Viata intr-o rulota, distractie: femei, bautura, facut misto de homosexuali; pariuri ilegale la rodeo. Asta era toata viata lui Ron Woodroof si a altora ca el.

De Rayon (Jared Leto), ce sa mai zic… oau, ciudata viata.

 

N-am mai vazut de mult un film care sa merite asa mult sa fie vazut. Da, m-as mai uita o data la American Hustle sa vad unde naiba e Christian Bale si cat stralucesc celelalte 3 staruri (Jennifer Lawrence, Amy Adams si Bradley Cooper), insa nu m-a dat pe spate. De Wolf of Wall Street, ce sa zic… porn material, cata nuditate, extravaganta, gaunosenie e in el.

 

Am o problema cu lipsa detaliilor din filme. Sa scrie acolo 1935, toamna, locatia X, altfel o sa cred ca Dallas e un loc foarte mic, cu un singur spital si doar 2 doctori. Si 1 singur politai. Idem ptr celelalte filme.

Why do procrastinators procrastinate?
This excellent article on Wait but Why explains the mechanism in which our reptilian brain (or Monkey) takes control over our actions, because immediate pleasure makes us feel somehow safe.
But why do we let the Monkey take over instead of beating it?

One answer is: because we can. We have deadlines on projects we don’t like.

Our ancestors didn’t have this luxury. They worked the land not for a living, but for surviving. The land gave them food. Without a good crop, they couldn’t make it through the winter.
In order to have a good crop, be it grains or some vegetables like tomatoes/potatoes/peppers, they needed to prepare the soil, put the seeds, take care of the plants as they grew up.
Of course, there wasn’t a specific day, but a certain interval of weeks for these jobs, yet it was pretty tight. One cannot plant tomatoes in June and expect to have them fully grown and ripe by the beginning of August.
Besides, all the preparation of the land took a lot of time and work, planting the seeds, then regularly plucking it. Watering the plants, making sure they grow ok.
But this was just the beginning – in spring. Here comes summer, then autumn. By the middle of fall, the vegetables and fruit were transformed into pickles, jams, (conserve), wine or some other alcohol. Wood logs were to be stacked somewhere near the house, for the long, cold winter days and nights.
One has to reap the corn before it rains, or it must wait for it to dry after the rain.
In case of animals, food for winter must be provisioned in late summer/autumn days, but not when wet, as grass can easily rot.

So, procrastination was not an option for our ancestors.
Why is it an option for us?

We are more stressed nowadays than before, even though there’s this abundence of food and clothes. We have doctors and hospitals. We can get to another place at speeds unimagined by our grandparents.

Is it because there’s no gun pointed at our heads to “just do it”? Do we people function mostly on the gun danger?
Our parents had “the duty” – “I had to”, “A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do”.

Bring that gun back… or gimme motivation – less work hours for same issues :)

Another good article:

5 Ways You’re Sabotaging Your Own Life (Without Knowing It)

E vremea perfecta afara – toamna, cer innorat, nu prea cald si bate vantul.
E joi si ma duc sa-mi iau Andrew Solomon – Demonul amiezii.

Cu ce se mananca radio… sau microundele… habar n-am. Incep sa uit si MSTPul.
Ce-o mai si cu microcontrollerele si infotainmentu’ din masini, hmmmm…

Sa-mi cant si eu ca Natalie Imbruglia

I hope you get what you want

Did I get it? No, ’cause what I’m looking for isn’t outside.

Zambetul ei, privirea sagalnica. Urletele ei care-mi zgarie timpanul. Poponeata aia mica si ascutita, burtica neteda. Energia si veselia ei galagioasa.
Calmul ei aparent. Seninatatea din privirea-i limpede. Nasucul micut si rotunjimile ferme. Modul in care isi arunca picioarele cand alearga. Voiosia ei si cum isi asaza buzele cand ii vine sa planga.

I got even more than I expected

Incepe toamna, in curand implinesc 31. Ele 2/4.

The opposition of depression is vitality, not happiness.
Depression is not the state in which I am, for I do have some energy. And the desire to carry on.
I walk though smoke and I try not to think of it as reality.

But this link is very, very helpful:   Depression and anxiety hacks on Quora.
And a tip from me on how to take on depression: get through the days, one by one.

Se ia una si se ia alta,
Se intampla X si Y, si din afara pare
ca X l-a determinat pe Y sau
ca Y l-a cauzat pe X, dar adevarul
il stiu doar eu.
Macar am o consolare.

Te-am lasat din cauza mea, din cauza ta, din cauza a ce fusese si nu mai era. Din cauza ca ajunsesem sa mananc iarasi cate o ciocolata pe zi. Din cauza ca nu eram fericita, stiam ca nici tu nu esti si nu reuseam sa-ti schimb starea deloc. Acum, stiu ce inseamna doliul, stiu ce inseamna tantrumurile si a avea cu adevarat grija de cineva. Atunci nu stiam nici sa am grija de mine. Asa ca iarta-ma… al nu stiu catelea iarta-ma, spus din inima. Iarta-ma ca nu am fost acolo, ca un prieten adevarat si rabdator pana la capat. Iarta-ma ca n-am stiut sa duc ceva la capat, sa ma separ cum se cuvine, cu pauza adevarata. Iarta-ma ca am fost slaba si am cautat imediat refugiu. In continuare, insa, e adevarat ca nu as mai fi ramas. Cu toate bantuirile nocturne, cutia aceea de bomboane s-ar fi dezintegrat oricum. Si n-as fi putut suporta asta.
Iar la tine, la tine am ajuns din cauza TA, pentru ca am vrut sa te cunosc si nu pentru a ma agata de altceva. Regret, totusi, ca nu am petrecut mai mult cu prietenii, ca nu am petrecut mai mult timp in singuratate, ca nu mi-am lins ranile mai mult timp.
Am ajuns aici, unde, probabil, oricum as fi ajuns, temporal si fizic si personal, doar calea a fost mai laborioasa si au aparut si 2 gheme mici de sange, fara de care viata mea ar fi fost complet incompleta.
Oricat de greu ar fi uneori, imi doresc si al 3lea ghem, mi-l doresc cu adevarat si sper ca va veni intr-o zi. “T”ul mitic ghicit in cafea/bobi de o femeie acum mai bine de 10 ani.
Candva, voi privi in urma zambind printre lacrimi. Ca azi…

Sunt un om. Si bun, si rau. Incerc sa aleg binele. Alegand binele de fiecare data, mai binele, poti ajunge la mai rau (=mai putin bine) pe termen lung. Cum se intampla asta? Habar n-am, de-asta nici nu sunt o jucatoare buna de sah (observi?! ai folosit femininul, ai scris in romana, nu in engleza fara gen).
Uneori e mai bine sa alegi raul pe termen scurt, pentru a ajunge la mai bine pe termen lung. E nevoie de sacrificii. Nici pe-astea n-am habar cand sa le fac.
Pe scurt, iau decizii proaste (dar de-abia dupa multi ani vad ca-s proaste). Si probabil peste si mai multi ani, nu vor mai parea atat de proaste. Momentan, imi vine sa urlu si sa dau cu pumnul in perete, desi stiu ca n-are nici un efect. Ba ar fi chiar mai rau.
Daca viata ar fi o linie dreapta, ar fi prea simplu, nu-i asa?
Asa ca am facut noduri cu vietile altor oameni. De unii m-am despartit sau separat, uneori ma mai bantuie in ganduri, dar liniile noastre sunt deja separate. Dar de nodurile create de mine, din care genereaza alte linii de viata… ei bine, nodurile astea nu se vor desface niciodata, nici macar daca Fortuna ar taia liniile lor de viata.
Acestea fiind zise, nu regret decat ca nu am luat o pauza mai lunga. Si ca nu pot plange pana la fundul butoiului.

She was born. After an experience that completely scarred me. A rape by women, that’s the birth in some hospitals. That’s the name for what happens when people keep you down, while introducing something inside you, and you scream, and you wanna run away, but they push you down, and you scream, and you’re so afraid that you think you’re gonna die.
And parts of your body hurt so much, your back aches from all the pain and they want you to lay down and stay down, but these people don’t care they might break your arms or your ribs, they just shout at you and tell you to shut up. And tell you to do things you don’t wanna do, like push, Push, PUSH, but only when THEY want to.
So, if this ain’t rape, what is it?
The experience I’ve always feared, the thing that made me run away from many men, happened that night, with women. 10 women around me, destroying what was supposed to be the most empowering experience of my woman life.
No wonder I got into a depression shortly after giving birth. It took another birth – only me and my man – to get some of the power back. The power over my body.

 

This happened 4 years ago, but today, today is her birthday!

She birthed me as a new human, much more independent and mentally and emotionally healthier. So thank you and hapy birthday, Irina! I love you!

Will you
Still love me

Remember summers.
Hot and fleshy, filling my body and my mind with desires.
Hot nights, when the body is too exhausted to sleep and the mind still wanders.

When you’re young, 18-25, fuck summers. Spill, cream, milk, icecream, peach, Shiva the Destroyer, aggression, running under a hot sun, will you still love me when i’m no longer beautiful…

Remember cooler nights in a condo. American nights.
Pool gym, black lace dress, perfume. All for myself.
Wishing I’d hold somebody’s hand in mine near the ocean.
No kiss in front of the Pacific.

Perfume, stockings, high heels.

Go away, spiderman. We’re still kids playing adult’s life.

sometimes you gotta get really down so you can start rising again.

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